Peace of the Self

Being A Smart Investor

We don’t just invest in concrete things, like stocks or property. We all spend time and energy investing feelings in abstract things, like people’s characters or relationships. What would life be without passion for your loved ones or the causes that make your pulse beat harder? But, I have noticed that countless individuals, myself included, tend to use up so much valuable life force on things that are guaranteed not to have a return.

In line with the concept of simplicity I like to espouse, not every issue is worth devoting yourself to – simply put, streamlining what takes up your attention will give you more options to redirect your focus to another activity that is more personally satisfying.

Let’s look at a common way of dealing with those we have troubled relationships with. I know a good many people who have a certain person in their life that just kind of saps their energy. They might have serious self-esteem issues, or be out of control, or just treat everyone around them badly. Obviously, I don’t mean that you should dump your manic-depressive friend. Far from it. But what can mean the difference between distance and an even tighter relationship is how much the other person puts into the relationship as well.

If your depressed friend happens to be an all-around cool guy that cares about you as much as you care about him, then of course you’d want to help him out. On the other hand, if that same friend would rather talk to anyone other than you, and just doesn’t seem interested in knowing about your life, then maybe reducing the importance of that relationship is a legitimate possibility. It sounds selfish at first glance, but friendship is in fact a two-way street; it is not synonymous with being a pushover. 

The same goes for a specific activity that you might be doing. For example, watching TV/using the internet all day. You are investing in this. But do either of those things really give you a return on your investment of several hours a day of your life? Sure, a movie might be relaxing; an hour browsing 9gag might be thoroughly entertaining and remind you of the hilarity to be found on Planet Earth. However, I’m talking about when you literally spend 6 hours on Tumblr or watching Community until 5am.

Being a smart investor is all about being strategic with your investments. Hence, if you divert your attention to maybe reading a (challenging) book or two a week, that maybe perhaps possibly will yield more overall satisfaction for you. I’d label the previously mentioned activities as ‘junk-food’ activities – they’re kind of like the Cheetos of time-spending. They taste great at the time, but in the end, that doesn’t negate your need for the really nutritious stuff. If you only spend time on them, you’ll just feel sort of empty.

Similarly, a problem that is bothering you might be a massive energy vampire. I should know, because I am the type of person who stays bothered for days if an issue isn’t resolved. That, I know, has got to go. Compartmentalization is incredibly significant here – if the negative feelings you’ve been harbouring over this and that affect your mood when you are conducting yourself at other times, then the situation has gone on long enough. You may not have a lot of options in terms of solutions, but if an issue is giving you prolonged grief, I say nip it in the bud. Be direct and do what has to be done. As much as you may care about how your actions affect others, remember that you are your number one priority, and that there is absolutely nothing wrong with that. You can always reach a happy compromise if you look hard enough, without having to sacrifice your sanity. 

I think that if we only looked at our time like it is literally a commodity that possesses worth, we’d fare a lot better in terms of how we spend it, and where we place our focus. In truth, we don’t have much of it, meaning we should know what works for us, namely what is worthwhile ‘stock’, and what will grow to your advantage. Parceling out your energy like this will ensure that there are always adequate reserves of drive and determination for the obstacles that do demand your attention.

P.S. Sorry if the introduction of economics-talk was grossly off. It sounded right to me. 

The Strength In Anger

To take revenge is often to sacrifice oneself.

A fact of reality is that we are so often disappointed. By others, by circumstances. Disappointment can lead to the most potent forms of emotion that exists – anger. When we have been done wrong, what else is there to feel?

So much has been made of anger. Arguably, it can sustain vendettas and drive people toward goals, but I do not believe that its power is one that can bring about a lasting good. Anger was not meant to dwell in our hearts. When it does, it consumes, and takes you out of the zone of control. There is a reason we call it ‘losing our temper’ or ‘going crazy’ – because it takes us outside of ourselves, to the point where we cannot get a grasp on ourselves. That, I feel, is the ultimate loss.

This is not a discussion on what to do in the midst of an argument, but rather that nagging feeling that comes afterward. I’m sure you know perfectly well how to conduct yourselves in an argument. The place I find where I, and many people falter, is what happens when we hold on to it.

 There are several different scenarios that cause anger. Odds can be stacked against you. Occasionally you feel as though you have utterly misjudged a person, and they let you down.

But while circumstance can be hard, it isn’t damning. Seeking revenge is not the key, whereas seeking improvement is. The constructive slant on the goal in question is what makes temporary failure more palatable, and gives one the steely resolve to plough on, as compared to anger, which burns hot and toxic. Yes, it can help you focus at the best of times. However, the kind of energy that anger requires is immense. It drains you, and your passion for life. That good, loving satisfaction that comes with feeling positive. That gets snatched away by you deciding to remain bitter.

Furthermore, who are you to decide what someone else should be? I myself come with so many sharp corners and flaws, ready to bite and attack. Perhaps you should be glad that the person in question is as flawed and weak as you are. Everyone comes with multiple dimensions. By comparing the other party to yourself, it is that much easier to forgive. Did you not hurt somebody else at some point or another?

You do not owe yourself any prolonged frustration about the issue, but what you do owe yourself is peace of mind. Decide to forgive the other person, the circumstances, yourself, if that is who you blame. It may not be as easy as I have often painted things out to be, but you do have the power to forgive with time. This is the message I wrote on my hand (albeit a longer version) to remind me of the calm I found amidst my anger:  

“I am many things, and of those I am strong, and gentle and kind. My body may be slender and small, but I am a gentle giant. I have the fierceness of ten thousand lions, and as many lone tigers. But I also have the grace of so many felines, and I will bestow upon you my blessing to find happiness. My soul is infinitely stronger than this. It is as steel as I command it to be. So you will not hold sway over it any more. It is mine to command. I command it to roam freely, to find satisfaction and steadfastness. To accept failure, however temporary. To laugh in the face of adversity. To be a beautiful uniting force, with power used wisely. I have gained everything, dear friend. I do not intend to lose it.”

For you, the ‘friend’ in question may be any of the above things I mentioned. By bringing the target of your anger closer to you, and addressing it personally, it cannot be your enemy. It cannot steal your focus without your consent. It is only your friend. 

Anger can be a powerful force, which dominates you and your thoughts. Alternatively, you can accept it as a passing emotion, but move past it, and walk in the far more fulfilling light of inner peace. 

Overcoming Loneliness

“Pray that your loneliness may spur you into finding something to live for, great enough to die for.” - Dag Hammarskjold

 “There is no company like loneliness to keep you from being at one with yourself.” - Unknown

I’m not sure why humans feel lonely. In my own experience, we are looking for an answer to the call of our hearts. That call may or may not be answered, in a way that may or may not be satisfactory. It’s why so many people with intimacy issues turn to sex – the immeasurable closeness of the act gives a brief recourse from being alone. Finally you’re one with someone else. Loneliness has to be a top ten fear for most people. It is unthinkable. Tom Hanks could barely get by in Castaway, and at least Will Smith in I Am Legend had the dog. 

I find loneliness in so many people these days – my friends, my family, people on the street. Even myself, and I’m someone who has always thoroughly enjoyed being alone. I can be shut away with myself for hours. But at one point or another, we are all lonely, be it because you’re going through something no one else can understand, or away at NS, or by yourself in a strange city where even the weather is so uncomfortably foreign that you feel disconnected from the regular rhythm of life.

This blog is about recognizing feelings like this. But it is also about positivity. Positivity as an outlook changes you, because you notice the beauty in sadness, and turn that around to create a space of only real, unadulterated happiness. With that, here are my thoughts on taking loneliness to another level, where it is striking, it is to be embraced, and it is to be turned into something else entirely.

 1. Everyone needs to wallow sometimes. Humans need to be self-indulgent. Loneliness in itself has a special kind of beauty. It’s oddly romantic, that wistfulness and yearning. Feel free to enjoy that for a while. It can even spur you to create. Honestly I like putting myself there, because it is when I feel  the most, and where my thoughts can take a poignant shape for things like fiction or song covers.

 2. But instead of staying in that negative place for too long, to the point where you start to believe it, know when to pull back. Know at which point you need to go watch a parody on Youtube or leave the house to surround yourself with outside life. Or just go to sleep. A lot of the time I’m just tired or cranky. The dawn of a new day can make yesterday’s problems seem ridiculously insignificant.

 3. Eventually I think we need to come to grips with what loneliness represents – the fact that perhaps another person’s soul can never connect completely with yours. I don’t know if this is true or not, but I don’t believe it is necessarily a bad thing. Yes, it does make you feel utterly alone in some respects. In many. In most. Speech, song or art doesn’t convey a person’s soul – not really. Not in its entirety.

 But if you look at it from a different perspective, well, the one person you will always be connected to is yourself. You will always know you. So if you’ve been left alone, well, you have yourself to keep you company. Think about it. You’re pretty interesting. Why rely on the presence of somebody else or many somebody elses to determine your level of happiness? If we realize that we can always count on ourselves, loneliness would effectively be eradicated. We would continue to desire others, because humans do like company. I’m not advocating a hermitical lifestyle. But just that you should get to decide if you’re feeling good. Actively decide to love yourself.

 Frankly, I like spending time with myself. Peaceful solitude is something I seek. But of course, that’s not the same thing as loneliness. Yet by experiencing loneliness, and realizing that it is an internal feeling, you have the power to turn it into peaceful solitude any time you like. If it is internal, well, don’t you have the power to change it any time you want to? it doesn’t exist outside of your mind. A feeling is not who you are. A feeling is something that can pass, and something that can be utterly yours to control.

 4. That peaceful self-time can be immensely productive as well. It’s the perfect chance to develop into a better version of yourself. Take up a new language, do things that your friends aren’t that into. Spend time thinking about who you would like to be.

 5. Help somebody. You never know what loneliness is until you see someone down and out with no family, no friends, and no job. Is your situation really that bleak? It will also make you feel better for doing a good deed. I am strongly of the belief that a good deed makes you feel more at peace with yourself. Do a good deed that you want to do, and that fits in with your idea of what living a good life is, because if you take action without believing in it, it will not have the same ring of truth to it.

6. Just go ahead and talk to someone. Find a friend and let them know that you’re feeling lonely, and they’ll help you take your mind off of it. You’re probably not alone. Not really. Maybe they’re feeling lonely too. You don’t have to be all self-improve-y all the time. Friends are actually there for a reason. In the end, yes, you want to be independent, you want to be self-reliant. But you don’t have to get there by ignoring the fact that you have good people who will have your back at every turn.

7. Find someone new to talk to. It may or may not be successful. But it could open you up to new experiences and the way someone else lives their life, which is always interesting. Food for thought.

Loneliness is a universal emotion. There’s nothing wrong with that. Strive to be the best person you can be, but accept that nothing natural is perfect. What natural is, is an embracing of diversity and imperfection. But it shouldn’t rule you, and let you believe that you are worthless in any regard. Take time to affirm yourself, and even let your friends stroke your ego occasionally. Yes, you can master yourself, and your internal experience. Loneliness may be a universal emotion, but an emotion is never a circumstance. Understand that you can control that.